Wishing and hoping 

I applied for a really amazing show. It was a long shot in my eyes, because I still don’t place myself on the same level as other artists out there. I follow their pages and watch them on their climb to fame, and I’m in awe like a little kid falling in love with their favourite superhero. I want to be like them. I try to do the things they do. I try to match the quality they offer, and break out of my she’ll to let my creative side run free, but I usually hesitate far too long. I freak myself out by saying – nope, you’re not that good. They’ve got more money into their art, they’ve got more supplies and skills and time and talent. 

But more so it’s because Rejection sucks. 

And for that reason, rather than climbing to that next step, gaining one more level of awesomeness, I tell myself to just sit right here. You’re safer here where you are; Where only a few people know you. Just sit. Good doggy. 

But this time, it’s different. I feel better about these new painted monsters. I’m actually liking what I do. I think I’ve finally created the image I’ve seen in my head for so long. I haven’t reached my full potential with them… But I’ve finally taken that step and raised myself to another level. 

And I really want to be accepted into this big show. Today is the day they email those who were accepted. No time of day was indicated,  so I shouldn’t be panicking yet. But fear of rejection is like having a small leak in your balloon – slowly loosing altitude, shrinking and shrivelling and shrinking, and losing all hope. Today  I woke at 730am… and checked my email.  Then again at 10am. And just now again. But alas, nothing. 

My balloon is shrinking. And no matter how much I try to pump it back up, and motivate myself to continue on the path, it’s not working right now. 

Just putting it out there – world wide web – cross your fingers and let them think I’m kinda awesome. One more step. One more level. Please. 

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Darn troublesome crows

Today was a great day at Waterloo’s Open Streets. Great people, eager shoppers, and a surprisingly good time. Sometimes we get caught up in the stress of preparing the goods and setting up shop that we almost expect hectic over enjoyable. And today began just this way.

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But those darn crows. They are so full of evil, I think they can instantly sense genuine good moods floating around happy people, and they go berserk.

After unloading the car, which was so beautifully packed this morning and unloaded willingly by the daughter, I though to myself how nice and easy this was. The show was close to home, and I was able to get home and unpacked all while the sun was still out. I let out a sigh of contentment, But just then, the freaking birds swarmed the neighbouring forest, creating a black shadow in the treetops, crowing insesintly behind my back. As I turned around most of the crowd fell silent…. All but one. The loudmouth leader. Caw – Caw – Caw.

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Yeah OK buddy, go tell your evil Queen that the human friend of the forest folk is freaking happy again.

She cannot be scared into fearing you and your darkness. She will not be pushed away. She will not ever see gloom in the shadows, only curiosity of what’s hidden just out of view.

Go evil birds, cuz your intimidation is not working here.

Not so much a resolution, but a way of life

Over my years I’ve attempted resolutions like exercise more, eat less crap, save money…. But it’s all Blah blah blah. They never stick. They are nice little lies we tell ourselves because we all know, if you can’t make it happen on a regular day, what’s so magical about December 31st that will make the words suddenly work this time?

So no, my friends, I do not have a resolution, but rather I will share my life goal:

FIND THE JOY.

Cuz it’s always there. There’s always a silver lining, you just have to change your point of view to see it.

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Only you can change the way you feel; The way you think; The way you handle the situations around you. So when you find yourself in the darkness, where most might be afraid of the unknown, be strong and look for a light, a star, to guide you.

Find hope, and reach for it.
Find joy, and hold onto it.

Merry New Year my friends
And may this new year change everything.

Happy trails!! Gypsy Train

Come a long way, baby

Me that is. Today this is all about me and the realization that I am finally proud of how far I’ve come. Proud, for this moment.

Back in 2007 I created a clothing line with monsters sewn from odd fabric scraps. People seemed to like them, so I kept going. Gradually the sewing got better, the designs cuter and the screenprinting looked far more professional than when I started. I took this as “practice makes perfect” (or maybe just “better than before”) and kept going because I could. I didn’t really feel a sense of pride or accomplishment for the sewing. And actually still got down because I figured I really needed to do much much better.

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After a while, as the demand for the tees tapered off, I decided to try something new. I’ve sinc developed a line of jewelry that encompassed my love of nature and my collection of vintage jewelry. I’ve also started to record the little imaginary adventures that we encounter while on our stick finding adventures.

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The stories came easily, as did most of the jewelry. But Illustrating the stories was something new. I had never really done that before, and in my opinion, I really didn’t do it well. I drew for fun, but never to show anyone. This was when I realized I should have paid more attention in art class. (Note to highschool me: just cuz you want to be an astronaut doesn’t mean you should ignore them when they talk about dirt. All of it really will be important one day.)

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At this point my daughter’s art had progressed drastically, and was truly incredible to me. I definitely shared it more than my friends cared to see. I was proud, but possibly also a little jealous. It frustrated me that she had no formal training and it was only her dedication to keep trying that she was able to improve. I finally asked her what exactly she did to get do good, and the smarty-farty just said “practice”.

We’ve told her this for years, back when she didn’t think she was good enough, so I really should have expected this response. And there’s that pride again. Proud that the kid actually listened, stuck to it, and accomplished something so great.

Whether it was that pride, jealously, or mad determination, I started sketching whenever I could. I drew whoever was sitting in front of me, sorry for that Guelph office mates… I Doodled faces onto monsters in magazines, while on my break… I even googled other drawings and attempted to recreate them. That being said, I actually think this is the best method of learning. Copying teaches me drawing techniques I never learned in school. And this got my hand eye used to converting what my eye was seeing.

After months and months…. And months of this, I think I am finally where I hoped to be.

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More improvement is always a goal….
But for today, for this moment, I’m kinda proud of how much better these drawings are looking. Note to anyone out there: Practice Everyday!

November sun!

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I don’t know about you but this week has me all turned around. We just pulled out the winter hats and scarves before Halloween, and I had contemplated shopping for a new winter jacket. But now, we are getting some abnormally warm weather here in Ontario. Today started at 10 degrees in the early morning (OK… 7 am) and by lunch we were all in our tshirts, workin on our fall tan. Last week, just to give you and idea, it was 3 degrees at 7 am, and if we were lucky, it hit 6 degrees by noon. But there’s always a reason….

Some guy, who goes by the name of a meteorologist, says it’s the aftermath of a storm in some place called Mexico…. But remember how I said that there was a magic forest stone, and it reflects the emotions of it’s keeper? Well gosh darn it, the safe keeper, Bopperstien, has caught himself a bit of a fall flu and is burning up. So his fever is heating up everything around the tall forest, and it’s so strong it’s reaching all across Ontario! Thankfully this means a super warm November for all of us, but poor little guy.

I have to say he’s a definitely a dedicated keeper, unless it’s just that his fever has stared to get the better of him. Mercidian, his tiny mouse friend, has been trying to help him get well and pass the stone onto another, but Bopperstien’s holding onto it so tight, fighting with vigorous force anyone who tries to remove it from his side as if he’s defending the Queen from evil bats. Poor Mercidian just doesn’t have the ninja skills to rescue the stone.

Be well tiny keeper. And his poor little nurse.